#needsleep

It's Almost official, I've survived the first week of school! *building drumroll, rising trumpets, ascending trombones....* <- oops, that's star wars, hahaha...

well, I've met 1 guy thus far, his name is TJ, he is tall, has dreads, and is a mixed martial artist. I think I officially cemented the friendship when I told him I was super badass at Mrs. PacMan. ;p

On another note, I FINALLY got sleep last night! It was so glorious :') adjusting to my new sleep schedule has been utter torment - the blazing flames of irritability have raged on those days where I inexplicably can't sleep more than 2 hours. I'll be super drained and I go to bed and when I FINALLY fall asleep, it's brief. I'll just wake up after a couple hours and be DONE sleeping. I don't get it. Of course after a few hours, my nap-energy is completely gone.... But I finally got about 7 hours last night and it was MAGICAL. (throw my recently acquired love for the white can of calorie free Monster on top of that, and I was Flying around at work last night, broomstick-free, lol.)

Oh! More greatness! My Zumba teacher came back from his brief vacation and so SOMEHOW I am going to get my butt over there cuz I am NOT about to regain that weight. (I would be sooo angry at myself.) So far I've managed to maintain it, ishly. I gained 6lbs in two months, I wasn't being careful. But Now......BRING IT ON. Cuz I SERIOUSLY want to look as fabulous as I feel that I am, lol. I don't know how I'm gonna do it though, that's just too much sleep sacrificed. I never understood when people said they survived on coffee, until this week! when mcc was offering free coffee for the first few days and I seriously hit ALL the coffee stands on wednesday morning, one after another, cuz I just couldn't do it on willpower alone. Tonight I don't work though, and so I think I'll make the sacrifice at least today to get back into the swing of gym-life. (insert "do you even lift, bro?" meme here.)

My Passive Aggressive life right now.

Rollercoasters are intended to be fun, you get the intense high of the rise and then the shattering fear of the fall, only to slide into home safe and look back at it all for what it was - just a ride. For the record I hate roller coasters. I'm afraid of the highs and terrified of the falls. sigh*

This concept sort of applies to life, except the highs are short lived and the dips leave your stomach flipped far past the fall. This weekend, I spent time with old friends that I very much missed (major high) but we had been apart so long that we were quiet and couldn't converse easily. (low) I went out with a friend that I care for very much, and we saw a movie and we ate and we had fun :) (major high) then we got into a fight and fell apart. (major low) Granted we fall apart every couple weeks, but it is what it is. I went to work which i always enjoy, and then got in trouble at work for asking my boss a question that I had asked my supervisor. (another low...) I've never worked somewhere where I couldn't just ask anybody anything I wanted. This whole chain of command thing is...just weird. I understand authority, but I wasn't trying to flout anyone. I clearly thought this would be a non-issue or i wouldn't have risked directing a question at my boss. God forbid. AUGH.


Anyway, so I've been awake since 11a sunday morning, and I won't get to bed until 4p today monday BECAUSE......Today is my first day of school!!! :D well, second day, I had my first class on saturday, but today is the first day there are actually a ton of people on campus! unfortunately I look like a banshee, since I haven't slept, and I'm cranky despite how much I'm looking forward to getting into the swing of school. The high here is that my girl Tina will be with me and my lil bro too, it's all good. And the way I see it, I'll be too tired and busy studying to worry about anybody. (Although I definitely plan to meet ppl in my classes, that's part of the charm of school! :D) it's just not gonna be today, cuz today I'll probably eat the soul of anyone that tries to talk to me. ahh well. Here goes. Let's cross our fingers for cute smart guys and at least a couple cool chicks. I'll get back at ya in a few hours! lol.

Month #4

Currently, laying in bed, reading my own blog. (Cuz, well, I'm damn funny! Haaa.....jk :p) I wanted to see where I've been, and remember anything I've forgotten. I've been 26 for 5 days now, a week I'll never forget. I changed, it was just too much grief and anger. The happiness in my heart has been filled with cement. I think I may have frightened my co-workers and the residents, they've never seen me be still and silent. Perhaps it's better. I still feel vaguely unwanted by morning staff, like I'm begrudgingly being allowed to remain, and that doesn't help. Perhaps if I just shut off, shut down emotions, stop talking to anyone, then perhaps I'd be acceptable. 30mins from now I'll be headed there again. Tonight we implement some new rules my boss wants to try out, so fingers crossed.
   There's a woman at my work, she's my supervisor. I have a feeling that everywhere she goes, no matter what she's doing, she's thinking about the shelter. I've been there 4 months now,  and since reading my blog, I realize I'm becoming the same way. Even now,  i already want to be There,  not Here. After work, I want to linger and see if there's anything last minute that needs doing, and briefly interact with the next shift. My boss says we lack cohesion - I think this is because we don't take the time to get to know each other. We have no team building activities, nor time to do them. We don't trust each other, and there's a lack of syncopy between those that have been there for Years and we that are yet fledglings.
On another note, I've been thinking I should take a brief vacation. Go to Long Beach, back home to California with my cousin. Eating crab at ports-o-call, and taking a brief cruise off the pier.....before school starts and hell really breaks loose. I'm looking forward to the misery of school. :) I work well under stress, and at this rate I'll probably get straight A's.  :p