It's behind me now, as we speak.
I can feel it's heavy stare. Like when you look across a room and accidentally link eyes with someone and it feels like they've stared into your soul. Except it won't look away, it's staring into my soul and saying "I accept you, I'll shield you, come here, to me." (NO. O_O leave me alone! O_o *runs away*)
I'm not going to lie, it's been my home for the past three weeks. I took shelter under it's promise of freedom, that I could forget everything and live a life apart. When I wake early for no reason at all, it's there to say "shhh...you'll be fine. Go back to sleep."
Only a few days ago did I begin to realize how dependent I'd become. Though I'm loathe to use it again, it's kind of necessary. I'm referring of course, to my bed.
For those who don't know, 2014 came in and ripped my life into confetti. I'm jobless, broke, vehicle-less, and single. (Well, that last one's been around for a while, so it's not really a complaint so much as an extra cup of YOU SUCK! in the boiling pot of it that I've recently acquired.) I was too careless with my attendance points at work, mostly because my vehicle frequently needed either gas or power steering fluid. So I'd be late to work at least twice a month. If that had been the direct cause of my dismissal, I wouldn't hate myself so much. No. Instead, it's a fluke. A sheer fluke. I signed up for OT early in the week, but it wasn't on my schedule the day prior to it, so I assumed I thought about signing up but didn't. (I have TERRIBLE memory.) So I decided to just keep the day off, didn't show up obviously, and BAAMMM!!! I lost my last attendance point. *FACEPALM* Kudos to my supervisor and managers that tried to argue my case and save me for a week and a half, but the point system reigns supreme.
Soooo....I'm not even kidding, I've buried myself in sleep and video games. Why? Because....I was accomplishing something, even though I wasn't accomplishing anything. I've applied to several places, but they either turned out to be work from home, shady outbound call centers selling weight loss products (I couldn't do it, the Irony would be too great), or they couldn't proceed with my application because of my having been dismissed from Macy's. Oh, and it appears my car decided to fall apart with me. As of yesterday, it's cleaner than it's ever been while under my use, and it'll be towed tomorrow to the scrap heap. (It was pretty bad in there, lol.) So I can't go anywhere - interview, hangout, general ESCAPE FROM HOME...all out the window. It's been hell.
On the upside, I've gotten to spend more time at church and with my family. I'm actually starting to get to know people's names at church, and knowing when events are. (I practically live for the events) I never noticed how entirely disconnected I was from everything and everyone there. I went with my sister to Cali for a day, started showing up for music practice, started cooking dinner at home and experimenting with baking. (Not that anyone Eats the corn bread. *glare*)
Maybe it's a God-sent. A Wake Up slap. (which is ironic because, seriously, I was sleeping all day.) I don't quite know what I'm supposed to do from here. Keep applying I guess. Start from scratch somehow, and earn a good job over time. Grow up maybe? I've been putting that off for a while. The important thing is that I finally woke up from the vortex of doom in which I'd wrapped myself, and I can start trying to get this mess under control.
*glares at bed* I'm only going back to it because I'm too chicken to sleep out in the living room. >_< (plus, seriously, it's quite cushy.)
Good night all!
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