48 hours

 

   I'm pleased to acknowledge I've almost reached my first 48 sober hours in almost 5 years. I could not sleep however, melatonin and diphenhydramine did absolutely nothing. I finally slipped into a light sleep around 10:30a and woke again around 1p. I've been up since, and very productive! I cleaned, I cooked, I did a solid 3hrs of schoolwork...and then I hit a wall. It's 11p and once again sleep evades me. I have read far too many "mess around and find out" stories of others that opted to test the disulfiram reaction to be that foolish, but this is my new reality. I need to find new ways to decompress, to self-sooth when I'm upset, to fill my life with something more than the nothing of before. Where there was a ceasing of awareness, I now need to grow my environment. For any others that have sobered, how did you manage in the beginning? how long until your withdrawal symptoms kicked in and/or went away? 

 Also, I am hesitant to go to an AA meeting, but my Dr and Therapist are more or less demanding I go. I found a couple nearby, but I feel I would have more success if I devoted my time to unrelated goals. Like school, writing, photography....the things I used to love before I became substance dependent. Open to to hear other stories if anyone out there reads this. 

onward to the next 24hrs. :) 

Introducing 607

 

Today we're tracking my journey on this little white pill that could kill me but is intended to save my life. My name is Wendy, and I am an alcoholic.     

After a week of holding these pills (Disulfiram 250mg/Antabuse), I finally bit the bullet and threw back the first dose. Then I wept and my spouse hugged me. We talked about how this would change our relationship with ourselves and each other. He too is an alcoholic, and the conversation edges on remorse and mourning. I love you, I'm not going anywhere. 

I am waiting anxiously to see if I have any reactions. I waited approximately 20hrs from my last drink to take this, and to be quite honest I initially cut the pill in half but took both halves. An hour later, I can safely assume it has metabolized. thankfully, none of the side effects I feared! Going to try to sleep - I'm looking forward to genuine rest. updates to come.