#Fragile

for the past few days, my family has been in and out of the hospital. My parents more than anyone, because a deacon at our church fell ill. 

I've never seen someone deteriorate that fast.

Today I turned 26, and I feel I should appreciate this opportunity more than I currently do. That man was in his early 40's, strong, humble, friendly. And now there's this hole, an emptiness that will walk beside his wife and children for a long time. I'm angry about his passing, because I feel like there wasn't even a chance. There wasn't time, and he fought hard to stay alive. 

Blood transfusions had failed, chemo wrecked him, his organs shut down, his immune system collapsed, and this all happened in 3-4 days. A landslide into the grave that no one foresaw. He had so little blood left in his body by the 3rd day, the nurses couldn't believe he was still living. He had bled out massively, but his heart kept on beating. The doctor told everyone they needed to say good bye, and when his wife finally told him that she'd be okay, and thanked him for being an amazing husband and father, he relaxed and slowly his heart beat to a stop. It's heartbreaking, and I fail to accept it.

And here I am, turning 26 on the day of his death. I feel weary, a heaviness, and yet a determination. To help his family, to make sure they make it, in honor of all the years of friendship this man gave my family. That's all I can do now, that's all we can do. The funeral will be in a few days, and I can't help feeling like the carpet was yanked out from under us all. He was sick, we knew that much, but he was in the hospital friday, watching sports with us all around him, joking and eating hospital jello....and gone by Wednesday morning.  Trini, you were a valient man, thank you for teaching us patience, love, mercy, and kindness. We won't abandon your family, they're our family too. Rest in Peace.

Little known

Little known pieces, moments, memories in my head
Crumpled notes, sentences I've never said.
Music, laughter, sketching in gray,
My life spilled out on canvas - this was running away.
veins exposed, vulnerable and broken,
Using one another to heal, and lost by that same token.

The Magic number of a Brief Soiree

The magic number is 5. FIVE. Today I had the great pleasure of seeing my boss in his office again, and we touched on an interesting subject. Since I'd heard about it beforehand, I wasn't surprised it was on his mind. Apparently, I've been a total floozy (sp?) at work, having multiple affairs, including with coworkers! I laughed. He laughed.  But the concern was real. I don't think my boss really thinks I'm taking advantage of his clients, but he Has to address me over it. It's simultaneously amusing and annoying. It's like playing telephone, one thing turns into another as more ppl hear a rumor and tell it more sensationally. More frustrating is that I genuinely Love working there, I put in the work, and I do it with compassion and kindness, but I'm seriously contemplating finding other work. I don't want to leave A New Leaf, this is my Dream company, I've been wanting to work with them since I was 18!! So maybe I can just beg for a transfer? I'm so happy where I am though, it makes me literally sad to think of leaving, but there's just too much tension over nothing.
   Other than this meeting, the past few days have been so Great at work! This morning I helped a guy learn to sew up his pants, I felt like a mom :p I was so proud when he got it right. ^-^  I helped a kid calm down from a bout of anxiety a few days ago. That kid is like a son or a little brother to me. I know attachment is bad, so I'm trying not to be, but I definitely want him to do well in life. Maybe I should work with youth.... since I have some insanely maternal instincts for someone that doesn't want kids, lol. The problem is that my life only works if my job is overnight. *sigh*  life changes ahead?

Holy crow, drama!!

The latest development at work was a shot in dark soaring in out of left field at the speed of No Freaking Way. O_O

so I was recently informed that I was part of a love triangle at work. I noticed that a coworker was being short with me suddenly, but there was no reason to be since we don't ever work together or even at the same times. I brushed it off since it didn't affect me in any way. Turns out, this person is under the impression that I'm "husband hunting" at the homeless shelter. (Insert cereal spitting meme face here.) On top of that, this person decided to tell my boss that I'm "shopping" at the center. I. Can't. Even. Believe...

However! Don't hate this person, she is/was being misled by a guy that decided to tell her I was trying to get in his pants. He was probably trying to make her jealous, or was saying this in hopes that she would take interest in him, or he's just a dumbass, take your pick. Either way, I was in shock. -_-

  The guy and I got into it for a bit when he let it slip that he'd done it, but in the end, I forgave him and let it go. No harm, no foul. My boss questioned him and he told him it wasn't true, which is great otherwise I would've had to like, devour his soul or whatever....lol. I'm just stunned that I could be part of a drama and be That totally unaware! I'm just here folding towels like doot-du-doo....and simultaneously causing drama with my sheer existence. O_o I mean I know I'm utterly sexy but still! <-(heavy sarcasm.) My co-worker ended up resigning, which sucks cuz now we're more short staffed.  So that's the latest development.
   In other news, I work 6.5 days this week! Whoo!! I wish they'd just give me a raise and put me on salary. I'd be there all the time cleaning and cooking and keeping ppl in check, lol. :p so here's to another night ahead, cheers!