for the past few days, my family has been in and out of the hospital. My parents more than anyone, because a deacon at our church fell ill.
I've never seen someone deteriorate that fast.
Today I turned 26, and I feel I should appreciate this opportunity more than I currently do. That man was in his early 40's, strong, humble, friendly. And now there's this hole, an emptiness that will walk beside his wife and children for a long time. I'm angry about his passing, because I feel like there wasn't even a chance. There wasn't time, and he fought hard to stay alive.
Blood transfusions had failed, chemo wrecked him, his organs shut down, his immune system collapsed, and this all happened in 3-4 days. A landslide into the grave that no one foresaw. He had so little blood left in his body by the 3rd day, the nurses couldn't believe he was still living. He had bled out massively, but his heart kept on beating. The doctor told everyone they needed to say good bye, and when his wife finally told him that she'd be okay, and thanked him for being an amazing husband and father, he relaxed and slowly his heart beat to a stop. It's heartbreaking, and I fail to accept it.
And here I am, turning 26 on the day of his death. I feel weary, a heaviness, and yet a determination. To help his family, to make sure they make it, in honor of all the years of friendship this man gave my family. That's all I can do now, that's all we can do. The funeral will be in a few days, and I can't help feeling like the carpet was yanked out from under us all. He was sick, we knew that much, but he was in the hospital friday, watching sports with us all around him, joking and eating hospital jello....and gone by Wednesday morning. Trini, you were a valient man, thank you for teaching us patience, love, mercy, and kindness. We won't abandon your family, they're our family too. Rest in Peace.
God, finding out all he went through, its tough to read. I still remember my mom telling me it looked hopeful. Or maybe I just chose to ignore her when they said it was good he came in when he did...
ReplyDeleteI couldn't visit cause of work and now he's gone. I spent my morning crying. I don't care what anyone says. Yes he's up in heaven no longer suffering, I know that to be the most true statement. My beliefs might not be set, but I know he's up in heaven. It still hurts. I don't have the strength to not cry. Because la Hna and the kids have lost their rock. Every day is going to be harder than it was before. I still remember seeing his kids in diapers. He knew me since I was in diapers. And now he's gone? Its just wrong. And so unfair. He didn't see me get married, he won't see my wedding... They were all supposed to see it in a couple years. And like that he's gone? He can't be... So many fond childhood memories were shared with him and Hna Alicia. And now,... It just sucks. Even more so to know there isn't much I can do to help. I don't even remember the last time I spoke to him. From one Wendi to another Wendy, I'll see you at the funeral and thanks for sharing. Its painful to know what happened but its also good to know they said goodbye.
It feels insanely unreal, life is so fragile, and death so swift. I'll keep you posted on the dates.
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