Dieting: The backslide

"Infinite shame! INFINITE!!!!!!"

That's what I'm thinking as I join my incredibly thin coworkers in eating cupcakes. Oh, and my mountain dew is smiling smugly at me. Or rather it would be if it had facial features. (in my head it does. *glare*)

All of this wouldn't be a big deal if I was just content with my body, but I'm not. Sometimes I am, I forget that I can't shop at just any store, that I can't just eat whatever I want and not gain weight, or that I can't get on rides at the fair because the seats are made for ppl with less booty.....but other days bathroom mirrors have me saying "darn you! why didn't I do the squats!" (cuz by the way I didn't make it past day 4.)  Pictures are out of the question, cuz that evil beast adds ten pounds to every body part. (i have enough pounds, thank you.) And my skin is shriveling in this dry cold-ish weather from my lack of water intake soo....you'd think carbs would cause me panic instead of temptation......
*stares pointedly at mountain dew and cupcake wrappers*

I am terrified, ironically, of regaining all the weight I lost. It was substantial, to me, and I'm about halfway back. :'(  So, since I can't in good faith trust myself to get back on track, I am instead tattling on myself to this blog. accountability and planning seem to be the keys to my success, and I finally gladly admit that fact after years of crash dieting.  so back I go, because I need to. Back, because I want to.