Decisions (Sex Offenders, Work Power, etc.)

My 26th birthday quickly approaches, and as I've come of adult age, I've begun to look at the winding curve of my life. I haven't a clue where my life is leading, I haven't an idea of where to sail. I know only certain things have become true as I've sailed aimlessly, albeit reluctantly, onward.

I have decided to own property, and to exclusively rent this property (away from schools, parks, pools, churches, etc...) to those that have a sex offender felony in their past. I know that sounds controversial, and there are all sorts of things going through your head right now. Mostly the question WHY. The answer is that I work with them now, and I have stopped being part of typical society as a result. I still react to the crimes in the same way as society, shock, hatred, disgust...but as a Christian, when they have served their time, when they have repented, when they have changed...it is our duty to help them assimilate into society once again. The questions will always linger, "How do you know they've changed? What if you're wrong? What if they commit again?" If they do, they go back to prison. Period. If we don't provide them housing, as it is nearly impossible for them to get housing, then they will be roaming the streets. Are you aware that if a sex offender can't find housing, they are assigned a street corner as an address? That means they could be anywhere. Outside. Is that better? no. Obviously, the facility would need to be monitored, but I'd like to be able to provide this help to them in in a near future. Maybe the next few years. I could probably start a housing organization...and I would employ some of these individuals as well, at least for intake or something of the sort. I don't have anything definite, obviously, but I want to help fill this need somehow.

That's all I have for now, actually. Originally, I had wanted to give a general catch up of my life, but nothing new is going on. I have no plans for celebrating my 26th birthday, I haven't exercised in 2 weeks, I'm talking to people a lot less for no real reason, I've stopped painting/sketching altogether, and work has been stressful.

Actually, Yes! Let's talk about work. My work bosses are traumatized by prior employee females that ended up in relationships with the males at the shelter. I guess the rules before were something along the lines of "your business is your business but keep it outside the shelter." NOW the rules are "NO. Not here, not there, not Anywhere." because these chicks couldn't keep it off the work property. As you know, those of you whom I know in person, I am a highly social, emotional, mid-tempered individual. I like to work, I work excessively, and I like to have fun while I do so. I can't work and not socialize. It just doesn't work for me. I will get anything you need done, but don't put me in a box by myself, I will not last long. Thanks to these prior rule-breakers, I'm now monitored. I'm not sure that it's on purpose, but I can sense that it's happening. I can't eat in the common room anymore, I can't have a resident assist me in the kitchen anymore, actually I can't even take longer than an hour for set up otherwise it looks suspicious. I talk to someone and they watch me, like I have some hidden agenda they're hunting. I'm sure it'll pass with time, but I can't help to wonder whether or not they really have control over what I do in my private time. If I run into an ex resident out there, and we have lunch, am I fired? What if one of them starts working at the places I hang out - do I have to stop going there? Heck, what if one of them starts going to my church? Or they end up at the MCC when I'm there? Or they go to the thrift shops I go to? Logistically speaking, there are at least 90 guys there at any given time, all of them working in the mesa area, most of them near the facility, and most of them move out to places in mesa. Eventually, it's bound to happen. Does that make me Bound to get fired? I mean, how much power are we talking about them having here? I'm not fighting for a right to date these guys, just for the right not to be fired over what I do when I'm not on the clock with them. Because my life is none of their business, especially when it doesn't affect them. It's been a few months so far though, and I still truly love my job, despite the stress and constant flux in rules and expectations. Apart from their heavy suspicious, I hope they like me too! Most of all though, I hope I am in some way making a positive impact on the lives of the residents with whom I interact on a daily basis. That's all that really matters to me. I want to know their names, their stories, their hopes. I want to touch their lives, hold them to an expectation and hope they rise to it. They're my children (to me) and I want them to successfully get off the ground. I don't know how much longer I'll be there, but I don't want to leave and think I didn't do my best for these guys. Change is fine, rules are fine, but let's stick to something logical people.

Life Achievement Unlocked! :D

3 days of work/life induced sleep-deprivation later....I find myself driving my nana's truck down main st, heading home to sleep after having assisted in a church conference. Suddenly,  through the misty haze of my mind....a Whim whispered "Buy a Car!" I resisted passively, saying I'm pretty sure I can't afford it....

Next thing I know..... I've signed a whole bunch of papers at the first dealership I happened to come across and it's too late to back out! Not that I cared, I was just signing stuff. Whoo! Car! (my wallet cried silently in the background.)

Several phone calls, a few financial withdrawals, and a payment schedule later....the buyer's remorse is chewing up my soul. O_O (GAAAHHH!) I drove home in the truck, feeling like I'd committed a heinous crime against my finances, and the panic attack set in like a flash flood of horror. But then again..... this was My car! My own!  FINALLY. I brought my Chevy Cobalt home a couple days later and it was like unlocking an achievement in a game, I leveled up to car-owner! So here's the official announcement, 

WHOOOO! I BOUGHT A CAR!!!! :D

Weight loss - it's a public affair.

It's the coolest and yet most awkward thing to be told "oh my Gosh, you're losing so much weight!" I hadn't really thought about it until recently. In the past couple weeks, every time I go to church I get the look-over by several unexpected people. Generally that's followed up by "wow, you're losing weight!" Or "every time I see you, you look smaller! Keep it up!" This last week someone told me "just seeing you gets me so excited! I'm rooting for you!" And I'm here drinking a guilty Mountain Dew like ummm.....yea, wait this isn't ice water!! *tosses Mountain Dew* lol. I've never been good at dieting because I hate the amount of responsibility required to count caloric intake vs calories expended, plus all the food skinny ppl can't eat!!! On this diet I will still occasionally eat something unhealthy but I've developed good habits, such as 1. Stop eating when full and 2. Workout in a hardcore-sweat-drenched hell-yea-I-can-do-this I-can't-feel-my-anything kind of way at least three times a week for an hour or two. The result? I've lost thirty pounds. THIRTY. The kind of relief you get from seeing a number on that scale that you didn't know was possible anymore is the HUGEST moment. My success is entirely based on the mentality that this week I just need to lose 5lbs and this is accomplished through Zumba and kickboxing. (Queue Clair Huxtable in a leotard passed out on the floor while billy blanks gives you a motivational speech during 'double time' hahaha....)

honestly, I don't see it anywhere but the scale. And my clothes which magically are huge. In the mirror I still see just me, but then I see me in my clothes that's literally falling off and I realize......I'm gonna be a sexy beast!!!! Lol. So I will keep it up, and here's to another life waiting just around the weight-loss river bend. Cheers!

Claire Huxtable 

http://youtu.be/3Il23owlbtk

Billy Blanks: 

http://youtu.be/-x640lbMucc

A hundred men, and Me

In the deep recesses of the dank and consumed world of wendy, there was not but darkness and solitude. What little light travelled into this atmosphere was extinguished and could not stir the inky night. Suddenly, in the thick of the silence, a faint sound rumbled forth! and Again! A Thump! A Beat? Steadily it coursed, louder and louder until the distant echoes of life surged through the land! The long winter at last was lain to rest, and the sun burst forth in a fit of glory!!!!!! Flowers blossomed! Shoes were purchased! The Maniacal laughter of the much-relieved flooded the earth with song!!!


hahaha...or, I could just say YES! FIRST PAYCHECK!!!! It was like having a veil of misery lifted, to finally be able to splurge! or, ahem, pay bills...:p (SPLURGE.)

As soon as I got off work at 8am that day, (normally I'm exhausted) I picked up my nana and hit the stores. The IMMENSE irony is that we hit 3 stores and I didn't like a single dang thing!!! what the heck?? There was much sadness. Eventually, I bought a couple pairs of acceptable shoes, and a few articles of clothing. More importantly, I bought a mustache shaped mood ring, just for kicks and giggles. I'll turn it into a phone charm shortly. (in case you did not know, I LOVE all things mood. If they invented a pen that changes colors based on your temperature or whatever, I would TOTALLY buy it.) I also bought a really pretty leaf shaped dish that's brown on the outer edges and fades into a glorious green inside. This is just to commemorate the start of working with this organization. <3

It's been interesting dealing with so many ppl, every night, learning their names and ways and personalities. I knew I wouldn't be taken seriously at first, this young girl with no experience trying to handle a shelter, but I'm happy to report that I fit in really well here! I make breakfast for these guys, help with chores, play chess with them on my break, eat with them in their dining room during my lunch, and I've really made an effort to learn their names. (This in itself is a massive effort on my part, as I can't remember what I did an hour ago.) Plus, they keep changing, ppl leave all the time and we get new ppl and the cycle starts over. Make them feel welcome, make them feel accepted, get to know them, set boundaries, build rapport and avoid being seen as a potential Anything other than the office chick that feeds you and gives you chores. Overall, I've gotten over any qualms I initially had when starting, and I feel at home there too. I think it helps that I have a sense of humor and years of maintenance experience, haha...nothing grosses me out anymore and my humorous/abrasive personality keeps me level with them!

The job itself isn't all that easy, but that's mostly in regards to dealing with the men directly. There's almost a hundred of them, and they all have different backgrounds, views, attitudes...weaknesses, strengths, personal failures and successes. People on meds, people sleep deprived, the occasional guy that fell off the wagon....It gets dicey sometimes, but we all care about them and they know it. This fortunately helps us to settle issues. (No one cares what you know until they know that you care, right?)

When I got there, they were subsisting on chocolate muffins, instant oatmeal, cereal, and boiled eggs for breakfast. (the night crew consists of males as well, and they're not chef-like.) So I stepped up and started cooking. something different each day if possible. Scrambled eggs and cheese, beef chorizo, pork chorizo, french toast... Not every day, but often enough. Today I honestly have no idea what to make, I'm kind of tired of cracking eggs and I think I've run through enough of their egg supply for now. Unfortunately, all my breakfast ideas are egg based and I'm working with donated food soooo....options aren't plentiful. I need to learn how to make the sauce for biscuits and gravy. hm...but I'd better have someone teach me. The last time I tried to make something I didn't know how to make, (banana pudding) it was a complete flop. -__-

Anyway, such is my life right now. I'm quite happy with this change of pace :) it's funny, I started to study PSY when I was younger and changed my mind because I didn't think I had the skill to handle this type of work. Now I find that it's exactly my type of work. Life's funny that way sometimes. Things fall into place if you let them.

That awkward moment....#drugs

Ok,  seriously,  I need to start sleeping at night because this whole 8a training just isn't going to fly anymore. The main point here is why am I here when I'm supposed to be in fabulous new hire training? Because it wouldn't be my life if something didn't go unexpectedly and humorously wrong.

Yesterday was Awesome. Lots of paperwork and training, and learning about all the different programs run by this company. I was feeling work pride already, lol. :) they had us do our testing there with a nurse, which was cool for me because she explained how everything works. So I took my tb test and thankfully I'd already had my hep b series through ASU so I didn't have to take the shots. (ANY reduction in needles coming near me is a massive positive in my life, lol.) Everything was going Great! .........except...............

       ...guess who failed the drug test?...

o.O  <- your face right?

Yea. Me.

I tested positive for Opioids and Amphetamines.  (Apparently that boils down to Heroin and Meth?)

O___O     <- aaand your face now.

That's right ladies and gents, I'm a crack head. Or, wait, is that street for meth? No, that's for cocaine isn't it? So, Mary Jane, right?  Sorry, I'm new to this, I've only been labeled since yesterday lol.

Actually, the source of my druggie-ness  isn't from some shady handshake or briefcase drop-off in a dark corner. It's actually from Phentermine. A weight loss pill I've been taking prescribed by a real licenced physician on a weekly basis.  (which I highly recommend by the way, just not when drug testing for a job, lol.)

So they sent me to go get another drug test at a hospital. Naturally, I went to the Sonora Quest there and it closed at 4:30. I arrived at 4:38. -_-

Today, I managed by some sheer inner strength to get out of bed at 6:45a and head out to the lab again where I was promptly informed that I needed to have brought a formal request from my employer to get the test taken. (Ok, seriously, I am so not awake enough for this, and I really need to go pee, but I have to save it, auuughh!) 

Long story short, I had gone to the wrong testing center, but I still needed a form. So about 45 bladder-bursting minutes later, the correct testing center informed me that the lab will send the results to my employer within 24-48hrs. This means I can't return to training until after the lab concludes I'm on drugs and I formally present them with the phentermine. 

So now I'm back in bed, that place of comfort and love.... (*see blog post Vortex of Doom) good night ppl!

countdown to life, in 5, 4, 3...

In about 5 hours, I will once again rejoin the working class and be a useful member of society.  So why am I not asleep? Partly because I'm recently addicted to Hay Day (I figured out how to push those dang frogs off my property, hehehe!!! Cunning!!!  Skill!!!) but mostly because I'm nervous.

   I've taken work in social services as an overnight associate. (So staying up late is probably good preemptive training..)

    I went unexpectedly with my mother to a conference training regarding our food bank a couple weeks back and happened to sit at a table with my Now boss. He had been speaking about his workplace, and when I expressed interest he advised me of a position available at his location. I applied, interviewed with 3 authorities there, and was fortunately hired following the tour. God-sent, right?  That's how I see it. Nonetheless, nearly everyone I've told has been concerned for my safety - more so than I had expected. It hadn't seemed like a big deal to me initially, I was just excited to be working again. Fortunately, a friend of mine from Macy's told me his wife had previously worked in the same position, so I contacted her and she was kind enough to give me a crash course on what sorts of things to expect and duties I'll have in this position.

Worries aside, I'm currently laying on the furthermost upper left corner of my bed,  surrounded by the upheaved dredges of my life. I mean, bedroom.

For those that frequent my home,  you're aware that my room is nearly always a mess, but this is a literal and thorough gutting out of my possessions. Why? It's the result of a desperate search for documents that have hitherto been unheeded and carelessly packaged.  (They asked for everything short of a blood sample, although I'm sure that'll be next on the list.)

Seriously, I'm sharing a bed with boxes of books that I'm too lazy to attempt to balance elsewhere.....while odds and ends from thrift stores, vhs tapes, valueless beanie babies, paint tubes, comics, broken trophies my mom won't let me toss, more books, clothes and shoes litter every other available space. Oh, and one of my closet doors is leaning against my dresser.  (I had to go through my closet shelf as well.) The smell of dust is prevalent.

I was relatively successful, but failed to locate my AA. I knooowww it's in here somewhere, but I may have to just order a duplicate.

Well, I'm tempted to just stay up, but since caffeine and I have a rather tenuous friendship, I suppose some sleep is better than none. Here's to working, learning, and having money to buy cat food lol. Cheers!

The one with the Hashtags.

It's been two months since I've been of any use to society as a whole...

#bumming #useless #sleep

I stare up at my ceiling in the morning, well no, I stare at my side wall since I'm a side sleeper, and ask, What do I do today? The walls aren't helping though, they stare at me with a blank face. #Jerks

It's funny, being jobless makes you really ponder about the point of living. Or is that just me?
#justme

Without a job, what do you do? I, personally, mope. Working gives me a sense of belonging, a sense of meaning, of being needed, and of accomplishment.

#canyoutellimsingle? #notamom #notinschool

I've always loved my jobs. All of them. I've never worked somewhere I hated. I wouldn't even apply somewhere just to apply unless I really thought I'd enjoy the work and could see myself staying. I'm a firm believer that you should love what you do. My dad taught me that if you do what you love, it'll be easier to succeed. I'm sure he meant long-term, but I applied it short term and it works for me. So this whole "Experiencing retirement Minus the travel/Housewife training" period, is NOT THE BUSINESS!

#notaboutthatHousewifeLife

The only new thing going on right now, is that I'm back on a health kick. (THE COKE MARKET IS CRASHING! PANIC EVERYWHERE! MILLIONS OF DOLLARS LOST!! STOCKS DECLINE DRASTICALLY! *coke owner tries to jump off building in publicity stunt* lol. #thestruggleisreal.


I've started drinking tea (real tea, no sugar), walking on the previously neglected treadmill, keeping real track of my calorie intake, and drinking more water. It tortures me inside to drink water, as I've mentioned, so the tea thing has helped a lot. Plus, I'm going to a clinic and have partnered up with one of my best friends, soooo they're all keeping me accountable.

that's all I have for now, no crazy workouts or crazy dieting. Doable, manageable, and not totally miserable yet lol.